The Promise
by bardalicious
Summary: Bertholdt has always understood Sasha. Somehow she has always felt safe with him and when they're fighting together she's not so afraid. Will she still feel the same when she learns the truth? Pairings: BertholdtXSasha, JeanXSasha and ConnyXSasha [Friendship] Rated T to play safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Promise**

**Part: 1 out of 2**

**Pairings: BertholdtXSasha, JeanXSasha, maybe slight ConnyXSasha**

**Warning: Spoilers (?) Language **

**Genre: Angst**

**Summary: Bertholdt has always understood Sasha. Somehow she has always felt safe with him and when they're fighting together she's not so afraid. Will she still feel the same when she learns the truth?**

**[Set after the events of Chapter 50 and assuming everyone's still in one piece -minus Erwin-/shot]**

**[Further note: I'm gonna add Squad/CommanderXSasha [NOT ROMANTICALLY _] just because I think they'd be cute being like parents...to Sasha...don't get mad please..]**

* * *

With the crisis somewhat averted, Sasha was ordered to wait for the other recon corps soldiers to join her at headquarters. It had been odd that she hadn't had any orders up until now, but she had hoped severely that her friends were all alright. For all she knew they could all be dead, after all they didn't have any weapons and there was no telling what could happen to them now.

She exhaled a breath, a sinking feeling deepening inside her chest. Something had to be wrong, but she couldn't place her finger on it. Her mind then trailed to Bertholdt, who along with Conny, Christa and Ymir-she had grown quite close to. They liked to meet in private, away from prying eyes of their peers and sometimes they simply sat in silence as they ate their ration for the day [with Sasha stealing some of Bertholdt's food].

How she hoped he was alright, but she mentally slapped herself for even doubting his ability as a soldier. He was one of the strongest out of them, he placed third in graduation and that was a feat in itself.

_"Sasha, are you afraid?" _

She shook her head, recalling a lost memory. Being afraid was an understatement in her case, she was terrified! Though, it was okay to be afraid-it was only natural. She was human, an insignificant one at that-and she was expected to go head to head with Titans! That was a terrifying thought in itself...

She looked around at other squad members who managed to get out with their lives. There were few, but even then that was a miracle. It was a miracle that she herself had survived, but seeing that child there defenseless...how could she run away and live with it? She couldn't have faced her father again after that.

_Brave._

Her father had called her that, and it was like a weight lifted off her shoulders. It was good to have come to terms with her father and his decisions, how immature she had been...so simple minded. No wonder people called her dumb.

"The Recon Corps are returning!"

Her head jolted up, looking around she fumbled to get into formation as the troops rolled into the headquarters. Her eyes scanned for any signs of her comrades, immediately catching eyes with Conny. She saw everyone, though Eren looked broken and the others didn't look too good themselves.

Where was Bertholdt and the others? Her eyes scanned the area for Reiner, hoping that if she saw him that he could tell her of his whereabouts and if he survived. But, he wasn't there either. What was going on?

There was a tense feeling in the air was she approached her comrades, and for once she noticed a serious look to Conny's face she hasn't seen for a long time. She glanced around the room before turning to Jean, hoping he could offer some answers; "What happened...?" She asked quietly, "If...I may ask..."

Jean looked up at her, eyes dark and hollow. That was right, she hadn't been there-she didn't know that..."Sasha." He said quietly, his voice hoarse; "How close were you to Bertholdt?"

"Jean, I don't think that's an appropriate question right now-" Armin countered, but was stopped by Mikasa.

"What do you mean?" Sasha questioned back, fear apparent in her voice.

"You sat with him and Reiner a lot, didn't you?"

By then the brown haired soldier was growing frustrated, "What does any of that have to do with his whereabouts?! What happened to him?! And Reiner, and Ymir for that matter!"

Conny put his hands on Sasha's soldiers, giving Jean a look before turning her away. "I'll tell you on the way to the infirmary, will you help me?"

"Conny, she deserves to know now-"

"What difference does it make when she knows it?!"

Sasha looked between the two male soldiers before turning to Mikasa and the others, "Will someone just tell me?! If they're dead, just tell me now! I'm not a baby, I can handle it!"

"They're traitors."

If Mikasa's voice had been any sharper it would have cut through concrete, and it terrified Sasha deeply. Bertholdt would never betray them, how could Mikasa ever consider the idea of him being a traitor? And the other two, they wouldn't think of it! "You're lying," She spat back at the other female, "they would never-!"

"I'm sorry Sasha, but it's true." Conny intervened, "Reiner is the Armored Titan and Bertholdt is the Colossal Titan."

"...he's what?"

"Don't act stupid Sasha," Mikasa snapped, losing her patience, "if you knew Bertholdt well enough you wouldn't be so surprised."

Armin put his hands on his friend's shoulder, "Mikasa, Sasha couldn't have known. Bertholdt wouldn't tell her anything like that."

It must be hard for their young friend. Though outgoing as she was, Sasha only seemed to trust few with her true feelings. And Bertholdt had been one of them. Armin wouldn't admit it to the other two, but he has seen them sitting next to each other-huddled close to each other and he could have sworn Bertholdt had kissed the top of her head tenderly.

At the time it had been a beautiful sight, as dark as their tasks were and how dreary their lives were it was nice to see that two of them seemed happy with each other. Maybe Bertholdt had really loved Sasha, he could have gauged a reaction from him about her-but it wasn't the time then.

He let out a breathe, watching as Conny led his best friend along with him to get his own injuries checked out. Following them was Jean, who was keeping close to their usual cheerful comrade. Commander Erwin wanted to brief them all soon after the injuries were taken care of, and he wondered idly if Sasha would be questioned thanks to her close proximity to both Bertholdt and Reiner.

However, what would she know? She wasn't from their hometown, she was from just a dainty little village named Dauper if he recalled correctly. But that didn't stop Armin from worrying about his friend.

He hoped she would be alright.

* * *

_"Sasha, are you afraid?"_

_Sasha had ran outside during lunch, wanting nothing to do with the talk of Titans and exterminating them all. What she didn't know was that she had been followed, by none other than her fellow classmate. "Bertholdt?" She questioned, looking up into his chocolate brown eyes who seemed to look at her with the same curiosity. _

_He gave her a small smile before taking a seat next to her; "Are you afraid?" _

_"What kind of question is that?" She murmured, taking a bite of her bread; "Of course I'm afraid, that's why I want the Titans to go away."_

_"Then why did you leave in the middle of the conversation?"_

_Sasha blushed a little, "Because I'm scared to fight them..."_

_"You were brave when we fought them the first time," Bertholdt kept his smile, "and you were brave enough to join the Scouting Region."_

_"I don't know how that constitutes me as being brave." _

_The tall male laughed softly, "You're braver than you give yourself credit for." _

_"You always know what to say..." _

_Suddenly she felt an arm envelop her in an embrace, her blush deepened when he pulled her close to him and when he kissed her on the top of her head. She felt herself relax a little more, smiling to herself as she snuggled close to him. "Don't worry Sasha," He said quietly, "there's nothing to be afraid of-I'll always come for you when you need me." _

_"Do you promise?" _

_"I promise."_

* * *

'I need you, Bertholdt.'

Sasha sat very still next to Conny as they listened to the briefing, something about traitors and how they should be more careful from now on. She was hardly listening, her mind was fogged with broken promises and the thought of having to go at this alone. Traitor or not, Bertholdt hadn't forgotten his promise until now. She wondered idly if he was thinking about her this very moment.

She doubted it.

After they were sent to go rest she was pulled aside by Hanji, who asked if they could speak with her. It appeared the leaders were talking to all of the 104th squad members, herself included. She wondered if her close relationship to Bertholdt would come into play and she prayed silently that it wouldn't.

Even now she wouldn't know what to tell them. She had no idea that Bertholdt was holding all of that in, though they talked to each other about everything. _Except the fact that he was the Colossal Titan. _She thought bitterly, sitting down in the chair as ordered by the female Squad leader.

In the room was Commander Erwin, despite missing an arm he wanted to listen in to what she and her comrades had to say about the three titan shifters. On Hanji's right was Levi Rivialle, who she never really interacted with-but the mere presence of him made her shiver in fear. What she would do just to hug Bertholdt for comfort right now...

"Sasha Braus, graduated in the Top 10 being ranked number 9, am I correct?"

Sasha stared at the older female, and merely nodded. Hanji had always been her favorite squad leader, well only based on the fact she was the only one she had a chance to interact with besides Mike. The thought of the missing Squad leader only seemed to upset her more, she didn't know what happened to him after they seperated.

"You weren't present when the Colossal Titan and Armored Titan appeared."

"I was sent with the squad that went more North, towards my own village Dauper;" Sasha said quietly, "we returned after we evacuated as many people as we could. Though we weren't equipped with our gear...m'am..."

Hanji hummed in response, eyeing the young girl quietly. She was telling the truth, from what she gathered she had been the only squad member from 104th not present at the time of the discovery of the three titan shifters. However she had learned that the girl was close to Bertholdt, and Ymir along with Christa.

Also with being close to Bertholdt, she must've been close to Reiner as well-so was this girl hiding anything? She didn't see why she would have any premises to betray them, but they didnt' want to take anymore chances. "Braus, if there is any information you can give us about Bertholdt, Ymir and Reiner-I would advise you to give it to us now."

The young girl froze suddenly, she could feel them looking at her as they awaited her answer. What was she going to tell them? She didn't know anything, but would they believe that? Bertholdt only talked little about himself and his hometown and she never pried. Usually it was just him listening to her talk about herself, he always seemed more interested in listening to her than talk about himself.

And Reiner wouldn't say anything, he just simply teased them about being with each other [secretly] and well she never talked to Ymir about this kind of stuff. Ymir was always just telling her to 'be herself', that was all. "Answer the question, brat." She flinched, not looking the Corporal in his eyes.

"I don't know anything, they never talked to me about that kind of stuff." She said finally, terrified that they wouldn't believe her-despite the fact that she was indeed telling them the truth. "Bertholdt always just said that he came from the same town as Reiner and I never really talked to Reiner much about anything."

Hanji's gaze softened. She was telling the truth, all three of them could tell that from her expressions. The poor cadet was just heartbroken over the loss of her friends, despite them being traitors she could tell that the young girl was still worrying over their safety. She didn't live the battle that they had, and they could understand why she was so upset at the accusations being tossed her way.

"Thank you for being honest," Hanji said softly, "you may go and rest now."

Sasha thanked her quietly, saluted her leaders and took her leave. As she left Levi furrowed his brow, "Do you think she could possibly be lying to save face?"

"No," She replied, "she has no reason to lie. If she had known something I'm certain she would've told us, the girl is terrified of Titans and if she knew beforehand about Bertholdt and the others I doubt she'd have a close relationship with them."

Levi sighed, but nodded. With Sasha being their last cadet to interrogate he went over to Erwin, "Shouldn't you be resting? We could have handled the interrogations ourselves, you know."

"I wanted to hear what they had to say." Erwin replied quietly, a gentle smile creeping on his face; "It seems none of them knew about those three, however we'll still have to keep a sharp eye on that group."

"It's impossible for all of them to suddenly be titan shifters," Hanji mused, "that would be surprising in the least."

"You would find it fascinating and keep them locked up for experiments." The shorter leader spat, "Wouldn't you?"

"Maybe.."

* * *

Sasha bunked with Christa that night. With Ymir gone, what usually was a trio of girls turned into a duo. They slept in the same room as Mikasa, however the other girl was brooding somewhere in the corner and they dared not to bother her. Especially the young blonde, who herself had been threatened if she stood in the way of Mikasa and her intent on killing Ymir despite not knowing her true intentions.

They thought of all people Mikasa would understand the bonds that were made, but she was blind in her need to protect Eren that she didn't care who died so long as her family was safe. It was understandable, if not scary in the least.

Sasha leaned back against the headboard, next to her Christa curled up and they both were left to ponder about the whereabouts of their loved ones. Besides Bertholdt, Sasha was very concerned for Ymir. Despite being one of the toughest gals in the troupe, well she still was worried about her mental state. Especially now that her and Christa had been seperated. It was odd to see Christa without her now.

The brown haired girl curled a blanket around the petite blonde, wondering idly if she would ever be alright. She wanted her to reunite with her best friend as soon as possible, even through her own heartache she felt Christa's pain through the air. It was heartwrenching to see her so upset.

"Sasha...?" Christa spoke softly, "Do you think Ymir could come back someday?"

"Of course," She answered her, "don't think for a minute Ymir could stand being away from you too long, after all she was always protective over you the most."

"The only way she will come back is in chains or dead."

Sasha turned to Mikasa, knowing that she was upset over the ordeal herself-but she didn't need to say things like that. Not to Christa at least. "Mikasa, why don't you go check on Eren if you're concerned about his wellbeing? Christa's still upset despite what happened, of all people you should understand."

Mikasa just was silent, so Sasha continued; "We don't know Ymir's intentions yet, she was scared because from what I understand Reiner and Bertholdt threatened her. And they must've threatened Eren too. She wanted to protect Christa with all she had-"

"What do you know? You weren't there."

Christa tugged on Sasha, before turning to Mikasa herself; "Please stop, I don't want to talk about this anymore..."

She sighed quietly, but nodded. She didn't need to get into arguments with anyone at the moment and she didn't need to defend Ymir or Bertholdt's actions. What Bertholdt did was unforgivable and Reiner too, but Ymir they were unsure of. She curled up, letting Christa pull closer to her and they took comfort in each other as they started to drift off.

Nothing was said for the rest of the night, however Sasha felt that very soon things would blow up between them.

She just hoped she survived it all.

She wanted to see him one last time.

* * *

Note: This was intended to be a one shot, however it didn't turn out this way. I hope you like it despite it being a little sloppy, I haven't really written for a while and this is my first Attack on Titan fanfiction!

Also I have made an 8tracks list for the BertholdtXSasha pairing! Look for me on there as attackonsasha and the playlist is called Broken Pieces!

Thank you for reading! If you want please review!


	2. Chapter 2

_'Do you promise?'_

_'I promise.'_

When it dawned on him that he was never going to see her again, Bertholdt broke down. Not only was he never to see Sasha again, she was going to spend the rest of her life hating him. It was a horrible feeling, and he hoped to god that she survived. She hadn't been with them when they transformed, but it was the mere thought of what she would do if she had seen him in his titan form.

He had seen her face that day before, terrified and he wanted to die simply for making her feel that way.

"Bertholdt, what's up?"

He looked up at Ymir, who was now leaning against the tree as they waited for night to approach so the titans would leave them alone. "N-Nothing, I-I was just thinking."

"About Potato girl?"

"She's so much more than that," Bertholdt snapped slightly, "she's so much more than 'Potato girl'."

Ymir chuckled darkly, "Of course she is."

"Stop it you two," Reiner muttered, "Bertholdt-if you want to we can try to sneak back into the barracks and retrieve Sasha."

He shook his head, "She deserves to be with her friends at this time, I don't want to risk being caught either."

_I can't face her just yet._

* * *

The next couple of days have been nothing but hard training for those who were uninjured from the fight. They needed to be ready at any given moment, though Sasha was not in the mental state for such heavy work. He was still on her mind every minute of the day, and she couldn't handle the looks Mikasa threw her way though she tried to understand her feelings concerning Eren's safety.

She loved Eren as a friend, he was always making elaborate speeches of why they were soldiers and what they should do. She looked up to him somewhat, but she didn't really understand his role about being 'the new hope for humanity'. If they got Ymir to be on their side, could she also be the new hope for humanity?

Most of the time however she was training under Hanji Zoe, who day by day she started to look up to as some sort of mentor. And Jean, Conny, and Christa were always by her side, Jean particularly paying more attention to her aside from Christa as of late. Was it because he felt bad about Bertholdt and her relationship falling to pieces?

She supposed that was it, since he had never given any female as much attention as he had Mikasa-who as always was just as cold to him. Again she didn't blame the other girl, she obviously had her sights on Eren.

"Braus, Kirchstein, Springer, and Lenz." Hanji started out, "Today you four will be training under Commander Erwin, I have business to attend to and since he can't really do any brute force since his injury-he will be overseeing your progress."

"Commander Erwin?" Conny asked, nervous; "Today is going to be hard."

Like Levi Rivialle, Sasha hadn't had a chance to really interact with Erwin. She stood for his speech when she first became a scout, and she looked up to him greatly-however she was intimidated by him that she never really talked to him. The only one out of her group that really did have any type of interaction with him was probably Jean...

It was even more intimidating given the circumstance. If she had found out that Bertholdt was the Colossal titan sooner, could she have warned them and he wouldn't be missing an arm right now? Possibly. Sasha shrank when the Commander approached them, giving them a briefing of what kind of training they would be expected to go under.

It didn't really bother her, the training. She was used to being put under great physical stress and it was one of the main reasons why she was so good at what she did. However, she was still afraid they pinpointed her as a traitor-and because of that she was even more nervous than usual.

Bertholdt was always the one who gave her confidence, but he wasn't here now and she didn't wish him to be. What type of punishment will her loved one recieve when or if he is captured? She wondered idly what they were even doing to Annie. She couldn't seperate them as just friends or loved ones from being coldhearted murderers as they were now accustomed to calling them.

"Are you okay, Braus?"

Sasha nearly fell over when she felt Erwin's hand touch her shoulder, glancing over she looked up into the gentle blue eyes of her Commander. "Y-Yes, I-I am s-sir, t-thank you." She stuttered a little, tensing up a little; "I-I'm sorry..."

She couldn't keep her eyes off where his right arm should be, and her heart dropped again when she realized it happened because of what Bertholdt and Reiner had done. "Training ended a while ago," He continued, "you've been running around blindly for the past hour."

She laughed nervously, "I-I have? I-I'm sorry...I-I didn't realize it was time to stop..."

Jean was standing nearby, who for the past hour has been trying to get Sasha to stop running-only to be unsuccessful in his plight. Finally he had alarmed the Commander about it and that was when he stopped the young girl from running herself into the ground. Was Bertholdt really bothering her that much?

"Get some rest," Erwin said softly, "we don't want you to overexert yourself."

"Y-Yes sir, t-thank you...sir..."

Sasha saluted him, though a bit weakly-and moved aside to go to her bunk. Christa must be worried about her, she was always worrying the young girl when it was Sasha who should be worried about her. Behind her she felt a presence, Jean's presence to be exact and for once she didn't mind him accompanying her to her room. [She usually liked to go alone to gather her thoughts.]

"If that's how you train under that kind of pressure, I wonder how you'll be when we're being supervised by Corporal Levi tomorrow." Jean mused, trying to bring her spirits up but to no avail.

"I lost track of time, that's all." She retorted softly, "I didn't even realize anyone had stopped training."

"For a whole hour? Are you that upset by Bertholdt?"

She stopped walking, "What kind of dumb question is that?"

"Hey, it was an honest question." He defended himself, "I just thought you'd be over it by now."

"I'm not over it," She said angrily, "he meant a lot to me-more than anything...but I guess that doesn't matter to you guys."

"We're just as upset about it as you are..."

Sasha sighed quietly, of course they were. She didn't hear the word's 'murderer' and 'traitor' slip out of Jean's mouth since she found out, but it didn't mean he wasn't thinking it. "Our relationship was a lot closer than people thought, I loved him."

_And I thought he loved me too._

"I'm tired, can we talk about this another time?"

Jean nodded, giving her a pat on the shoulder; "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Jean..."

"'night Sasha."

He watched quietly as she turned around and went into her room-the sound of muffled voices behind closed doors soon reached his ears. Sasha loved Bertholdt, more than anything in the world and he left. Not only had he betrayed them and humanity, he broke someone's heart-someone he truly cared about.

He would make him pay for that.

* * *

The next few days Corporal Levi had watched them, with a little appearances by Erwin occasionally to see how they were doing. Sasha had been doing exactly what she had been doing the last few training sessions-getting into a trance like state and overexerting her to the point of near exhaustion. They had been able to calm her down, but as of late not even the squad leaders could do anything about the cadet's strange habits.

Sometimes even Jean would be able to get her out, and he would pull the girl aside and shove food in her mouth because she has hardly eaten her rations. In the middle of training Hanji returned, asking about her squad member's progress. "They seem to be doing fine," Levi said coolly, "however Braus doesn't listen to us when we tell her it's time to stop."

"Really?" Hanji asked, rubbing her head; "She did that the first day, I wonder if she's still got that Bertholdt on her mind."

"I don't see why it would drive her mad to the point where she almost destroys her body."

The female squad leader exhaled a breathe, "Perhaps we should exclude her from further training, at least until she can get herself together mentally. We can't have her out there killing titans and then not listening to us when we need to retreat. That alone can get her killed."

"What do you want me to do? Kick her in the face?"

"Please don't do that, I doubt it'd work like it did with Eren." She watched the girl run and train with her comrades, "She does have durability unlike any other, however she herself must have her limits..."

"Maybe it's all that food she scarves down her throat." He muttered, before ordering the squad to stop for the day and to get themselves cleaned up. Like before Sasha didn't listen, just kept on going like he hadn't even said a word; "Oi, brat! I said stop!"

Sasha hadn't seen it coming, but she recieved a boot to the face and was sent to the ground pretty quickly. Jean watched with his wide eyes as his fellow comrade tried to wipe the blood off her nose, shocked out of her trance-like state. It was only a matter of time before Corporal Levi had lost his patience with her, but he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do.

"You're going to kill yourself," Levi scolded the girl as she got back up, "I don't need any soldiers dead, now go clean yourself up."

"Yes sir." The girl spoke quietly, leaving with Conny as he helped her along.

Hanji let out a sigh again, "I told you not to kick her."

"Do you want to try to get her out of that state without force? At least it worked."

* * *

"What's wrong, Sasha? Are you still thinking about him?"

Christa stared at her friend as they sat down to eat their rations for dinner, she wasn't sure if bringing up Berholdt was the best idea but something had to be done. Seeing her run herself to the ground and barely eating was painful, for everyone around her. If Bertholdt had seen her now...would he feel bad? The petite girl was certain that he would.

Ymir would also tell Sasha to buck up and cheer her up in her own way, however she wasn't here either. It was hopeless. "No, well...I try not to..."

"I know how that is, I try not to think about Ymir and what could be happening to her but it's hard..."

Sasha sighed, "I'm sorry, I haven't been such a good friend. I'm being selfish being all mopey and obnoxious about my obsession with Bertholdt being gone."

"It's understandable, you two were close."

"It's ruining my friendships," She said quietly, "Mikasa and I never talk anymore and Jean always exerts himself worrying about me and Armin always tells me how much he feels bad about everything. And Conny and I don't even talk as much as we used to though he tries so hard to bring this back to the way they were."

"I suppose in the end they don't understand," Christa said, taking a bite out of her dinner; "Ymir and I were so close, it was a little scary how much she would do for me. Even now I don't even know what her intentions were, or are should I say...I miss her still."

"I miss her too," Sasha admitted, "even if she was always yelling at me, she still was a good friend to us. To everyone."

Christa nodded, "Mikasa said she would kill me too if I got in the way."

"I don't think she likes me anymore."

"She just doesn't understand," The blonde replied, "I don't think she really likes anyone other than Eren and Armin to be honest."

Sasha nodded, "I wonder if Eren hates me too..."

"You loved Bertholdt, and no one knew how close you two were until now." Christa put her hand on the brunette's, "And I can tell that inside, you don't want to believe Bertholdt or even Reiner and Ymir could be capable of such deeds. And I can tell that you want to still love him despite it all, and that you think you're a bad person because of it."

"My last memory of him is when he looked at me and gave me a look as if telling me everything was going to be okay..."

"Don't let that be your last memory, because I will be damned if my last memory of Ymir is of her diving into a huddle of Titans and possibly being eaten by them."

By then Sasha was in tears, and she was so emotionally run down she couldn't eat her food once more.

Across the mess hall Jean watched the other two converse. As of late the two only sat by each other, whether it was because they were in the same boat as each other or not he wasn't sure of. Sasha however was not eating, again-and it bothered him deeply. And when he saw her burst into tears he felt something deep inside him tighten with sadness, and anger.

Their once cheerful dorky little comrade was now a bawling mess, all because she loved someone who could never be with her forever like he seemingly promised. He was still unsure of their relationship and how it had even progressed to be that deep, but it bothered him greatly. Perhaps he should have been the better friend and in Bertholdt's stead he should have been Sasha's rock.

"Sasha is still not eating," Armin observed sadly, "I wonder if she'll ever be okay again."

"She doesn't eat, she trains to the point where she's in a trance and doesn't stop when she's supposed to." Jean muttered, "She's falling apart, she's going to kill herself if she doesn't stop this."

"She's doing this to herself," Mikasa said coldy, making sure Eren was eating his share of the ration; "worrying herself about those three is getting her nowhere."

"That's not fair Mikasa," He countered, "you should know how hard it is to have someone who was close to you be ripped away-no matter the circumstance."

"Do you want to try me?"

"Stop." Eren muttered, "What's wrong with Sasha?"

"Bertholdt's her boyfriend and she's mad because he's a traitor. Nothing important."

Armin sighed, knowing Mikasa was just angry and upset still; "She's running herself down, Jean said Corporal Levi kicked her in the face because she wouldn't stop training even though he told her to stop..."

"As I said, she does that a lot. She goes into a trance-like state and doesn't stop even when she's told to."

Eren frowned. Sasha was that upset over Bertholdt and Reiner's betrayel? He was angry like Mikasa, however he understood her pain. She was always good at cheering him up, whether it was intentional or not. And now she was depressed? That didn't sound like the Sasha he knew, not at all.

"Maybe I should talk to her."

"You could try, but it's just like talking to a brick wall. She won't talk to anyone but Christa nowadays, rumors have it that even Hanji can sometimes get a few words out of her."

"Well it won't hurt to try..."

Eren was sick of losing friends left and right. He had already lost so many, he couldn't bear it if Sasha was lost to him as well. If it got to the point where she's running herself down then it must be bad, they may be already losing her. She was durable, he could tell by all the times she had to run because of her eating habits.

And poor Christa had to deal with the brunt of her depression, though others tried-Sasha leaned more towards her than others. Maybe because they understood each other, there was no doubt Christa loved Ymir as much as the other girl did her. Bertholdt and Sasha had been a little more subtle, though Eren knew the two were close.

Exhaling a breath he stood from the table, ignoring Mikasa as she advised him to wait until later to pry into Sasha's personal business. Approaching the other two he sat next to Christa, giving Sasha a small smile and asked the petite girl if he could talk to the other alone for a moment.

The young blonde seemed reluctant at first, not willing to let Sasha alone with Eren seeing how his surrogate sister has treated her the last few days. However with much convincing she left, only to sit down a few tables away incase her other best friend needed her.

Sasha didn't look at him at first, she pretended to at least have an appetite and ate little of her food though the act didn't fool Eren. She had a lot on her mind, he knew that look too well and he wanted to try to help her the best way he knew how. He couldn't tell her that he hoped her and Bertholdt would get back together or tell her that Bertholdt loved her despite everything.

He didn't know what to believe anymore when it came to those two other than that they were murderers.

However, Sasha didn't want to hear that. She had heard it enough he assumed. And it was eating her on the inside. "Hey Sasha," He greeted nervously, "I see you haven't really eaten your meal..."

That was a horrible start.

"Uhm...I'm sorry I haven't really talked or even seen you the last few days, I mean things are crazy..." Eren gulped a little. Damn he was so used to giving pep talks about killing titans, not cheering people up. That was usually the other guy's job. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

This was going to be harder than he thought. "So you...heard about Bertholdt?"

"Hasn't everyone? I mean they're enemies to humanity."

Eren bit his lip, "Well, are you okay about that...?"

"Why would I be okay with that?"

It wasn't like Sasha to snap like that, it wasn't like her to be so sad and distant. It drove him mad, this was only giving him more fuel to take down Bertholdt and Reiner at all costs. He hated how it effected his friends. "I suppose no one would be okay with that..."

"Eren, I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it-but I don't really want to talk about him right now." Sasha murmured softly, "I'm sure you have a lot on your plate too. You know with being Humanity's last hope and all."

When she said it, well it sounded like she was being sarcastic. But he decided not to comment on that, "You know, we're here if you need us."

She laughed softly, "Funny, Bertholdt said the same thing."

"What else did he tell you?"

She looked up at him, "He told me he wanted me to be his wife. He told me one day he was going to whisk me away to his hometown and that we would be happy and I could eat as much as my heart desired." She paused for a moment, "He also told me that he was scared that I would die, and he was scared what others would think all the time because we kept our relationship secret."

Eren stared at her silently, but didn't stop her.

"And he told me that he would stay by my side forever, and even if we were seperated for the briefest of moments-that I would be in his thoughts." Sasha was now looking at him, "But I guess all of that was a lie, everything he told me was a lie. The last five years I have grown to know him was all a lie, so I guess I don't know him at all."

Another moment of silence. It became awkward fast, that Eren wanted to migrate back to the table he was with.

"And despite it all Eren, I still want to see him. I still want him to hold me, and if he came back today and opened his arms...I would run into those arms and never look back." She cried quietly, "All the same I feel horrible feeling this way, because no matter what I can't get him out of my thoughts. I don't want him to die without a chance of us saying our final goodbyes, I don't and I'm so sorry for being selfish."

"Sorry...?"

"I'm so selfish! I'm so selfish that no matter what anyone does to cheer me up, I ignore them to delve myself into this despair. Usually I can cheer myself up, but I can't..." She sobbed, burying her face in her hands; "I put my own feelings over the safety of humanity and that makes me a horrible person!"

"You're not a horrible person, Sasha."

"I am, I am...poor Jean has been trying to bring me up...and the others..." She wiped at her eyes, "Eren, why is it so hard to forget him? Why can't I hate him and Reiner and Ymir for betraying us and leaving us behind?"

Eren looked over to his friends for help. He wasn't sure what to tell her, and he wasn't sure how to comfort her. Maybe Mikasa was right, perhaps he shouldn't have come over...but he couldn't just leave her. Not while she was pouring her heart out to him, and he genuinely felt sad for her.

"It's not going to be easy, but you have friends who can help you through this." Eren said finally, placing a hand on her back; "You got Christa, you got Jean, Conny, Armin and Mikasa and myself at your side. We have your back no matter what!"

"Eren..."

"You're a strong girl, one of the strongest girls I know." Eren gave her a smile, "We hate seeing you so depressed, we want to see you happy and back to your normal self."

'Normal self? What is my normal self? The only time I felt normal was whenever I was with Bertholdt...' Sasha thought quietly, 'But no, Conny...Jean...Christa and Ymir...and even Mikasa and the other two, they always made me feel welcome in their group. Am I that blinded by my love for Bertholdt that I can't see others who care about me too?'

"Sasha?"

She wiped her eyes, sniffling a little; "Thank you Eren, you know what to say. I suppose I'm surrounded by people who always know what to say." She laughed nervously, "You guys must think I'm stupid."

"That's not it, we understand." He chuckled a little, "Now eat, you're freak me out not shoveling food into your mouth."

She laughed again, "I am a little hungry..."

* * *

She had been on his mind all day, so much that they had to stop moving forward just so Reiner could demand what was wrong with him. Again his friend offered to go back, but once again Bertholdt refused. It wasn't fair to barge in on Sasha and demand that she go with them, and it wouldn't be fair to just kidnap her either for his own sake.

"She has no future in those walls, Bert." Reiner said, "We'll back you up if you need us."

Ymir scoffed, "And while we're at it, can we grab Christa too?"

"No, I can't bring her into this." Bertholdt said quietly, "I can't."

* * *

They formed the new squad after weeks of training. Sasha had been surprised when she was placed on Levi's squad, along with the others. It seemed to her to be a very big squad, and secretly she wished it had been Hanji-but she wouldn't say anything about it. Their objective was to protect Eren and Christa-who went by Historia now.

It was all moving so fast now.

She was trying to deal with letting Bertholdt go, and as they headed towards their new headquarters she couldn't help but wonder what he was up to. "Sasha," Historia spoke to her quietly, "are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me."

She listened idly to the chatter between Armin and Eren, something about Titans and their new discoveries about them. She didn't want to listen to it, so she distracted herself with even more thoughts of Bertholdt and what they used to have. "Sasha, we're at headquarters now."

It was Jean this time to bring her out of her thoughts, and for a moment she smiled. It had been nice of him to try and get along with her, though they still had their fair share of arguments. Most of the time it revolved around her eating habits, which were gradually coming back. And though she no longer blacked out-she wasn't the same and they understood.

Even Mikasa, who had been sort of cruel with her the last few weeks. "Do you need help carrying those?"

Sasha had grabbed hold of the box with the potatoes ironically, and she looked up to see Mikasa offering help. "No thank you," She said quietly, "I can handle this."

The dark haired girl nodded, "I wanted to apologize."

"Why?"

"I didn't consider your feelings."

Sasha blinked, "It's fine, I know you're just as upset as everyone else. We can move on from that now and make sure they're brought to justice, right?"

"Right..."

"And our job is to protect Eren and HIstoria now too." Sasha exhaled, walking with her now; "I don't want to hold onto these feelings anymore-they only get in the way."

"You love him."

"Thing is, I don't want to anymore. I'm mad at him more than anything for doing this to everyone...and for ruining our lives."

Mikasa felt her heart sting. Despite Bertholdt and Reiner's betrayel, she could feel still that Sasha wanted nothing more than for everything to be a lie. That they weren't traitors and she could be with him again, she didn't know what she would do given the chance that Eren would do the same thing.

"Let's get this place cleaned up," Levi ordered, "don't just laze around."

Before the other girl could head into the house to obey the order, Sasha grabbed hold of her wrist; "Hey Mikasa?"

"Yeah?"

"We're still friends, right?"

"Of course."

That made the other girl smile, and this time the smile was genuine. "Thanks."

* * *

Note: Sorry part 2 took so long, and I'm thinking of making this more of a chaptered series because I keep getting ideas as the story goes along.

And I know I made Mikasa a bit of a jerk, that's why I'm going to try and redeem her because I started to feel bad. I'm not a fan of her character, so that's kind of why I did what I did-but I won't do it anymore.

Also, I read the new chapter-so consider this AU? I will write a fic that's based on canon, but I started this before Chapter 51 came out.

And I promise more Bertholdt scenes. Just don't know where to go with them yet.


End file.
